The Mommy (Dearest) Hall of Fame

I have secured my spot, accolades forthcoming, medals to be bestowed. In the course of an hour yesterday, my daughter drank her own pee ('Mommy this isn't water!') and shoplifted a pair of shoes. I am so proud!

Charlotte has a UTI (bladder thing, if you're not familiar) and being the dutiful mommy, I collected a sample in advance of her pediatrician's appointment. But we're living in temporary digs and there's no tupperware. So I put the urine in a sterilized sippy bottle.

Yes the red flags waved as soon as I poured it in. Yes, I put it out of reach. But after ballet class and the play date picked up and the quick-change out of our tights to get to a lunch date, Charlotte poached the bottle out of the front seat cup holder and to my GREAT horror, took a sip. And there was no hiding it...my girlfriend Susanna was witness to the whole thing. EEEEEE!!

Thirty minutes later, at a children's consignment store down the street, Charlotte took it upon herself to try on a pair of gold, sparky shoes (pictured above). And apparently she HAD to have them, because she left with them on (mom was distracted by the many choices of monogramming thread for her not-so-angelic daughter's new sundress). Yes, I acquitted us, calling the store and paying the $4 for the shoes. Thank God they were Circo and not Louboutin, though It doesn't take a genius to see that coming.

As I tried to explain to my daughter, Gandhi was not a Klepto.