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Tonight, after I tuck in my 2-year-old cherub, I am going to pull back the covers and check for a small mark on his neck in the form of a "666." I know people think over-zealous moms write blogs to brag about their kids. I do a goodly amount of cooing over my all-too precious offspring. But this week, with Paul away, Harry has tested my patience in so many way that I would be a big fat liar to leave it out of the digital dialogue.
Yes, he's 2-and-a-half. But sometimes it seems like my otherwise bubbly, friendly boy goes out of his way to channel positively the worst habits of a 2-year-old, most notably when it comes to his sister. To a stranger, a friend in the park, or a preschool teacher it would seem like he is the model of good behavior. But boy, put him in the living room with his baby sissy and, like last night, out of nowhere he will tackle her to the ground, squashing her little body into a heap until she cries. Seriously, call the NFL. Sometimes he acts like she's the best playmate around. Other times he very sneakily will ask to be hefted up to look into her crib and then POW! smack her in the head. I honestly think he likes to make her cry!
These days any admonition is like a personal challenge to my toddler. "No" means do it more, make it worse, whatever "it" is. Sometimes I am totally powerless. Scolding, timeouts, walking away, they just make no dent. And I feel like absolutely the WORST mother on the Earth. Especially when I see other kids Harry's age acting so loving toward their siblings. Is it just my kids? I so want them to like each other, to be those children who grow up the best of friends. But soon I fear you may see us on one of those Nanny 911 shows. It's enough to make a mother, who wants nothing more than to brag about her kids, cry.
3 comments:
Oh Leef! I'm sorry you have had such a rough week. If it makes you feel any better I have read that it is good for siblings to fight and for parents to help them figure out a resolution without separating them. But, what do I know? I have an only child. Don't cry-just pour yourself a drink.
Leef –
After reading you message about your son’s recent aggressiveness towards sister, I called a couple of young-ish and old-ish moms and grandmas, and got pretty much the same response from each of them:
Harry’s behavior is perfectly on-target age-wise and younger-sibling-wise:
- At one, Charlotte is becoming a lot more physically active; She’s not just lying there being a cute little bunny; she’s beginning to do things that Harry can do; in effect, she’s beginning to become competitive (both in his view, and in reality).
- His reaction is “I’ve got to show I’m more potent than she is.” Being physically bigger, knocking her around is the easiest way to demonstrate that. It’s not a boy-girl thing; it happens with sister-sister siblings too.
- He’s also reacting to the fact that his sibling is now getting some particular kinds of parental attention/approval that up till now only he got. He’s missing being quite as special as he has been.
Moms’ recommendations: Ramp up the attention you give to Harry – focusing on the areas where he is progressing (age-appropriately) in ways that Charlie (age-appropriately) is not at this particular time. And also let him know (as you are doing) that ongoing physical aggression will not pay off with additional positive attention. That, I’m told, will work better than time-outs, jaw-boning, punishment, or showing your own distress.
=Bill=
P.S.
I’d be interested in hearing what other advice you’re getting.
Thanks y'all. This mom really appreciates the moral support ...and the independent research! I can add two thoughts -- not long after making this post I had a chat with five mommy friends who expressed near-identical exasperation. While it didn't solve the problem, it sure made me feel better. Them too. Which brings me to point number two: silence is a killer when you're battling toddlers. Got a problem? Talk it out because odds are, yes indeedy, you're not the first parent to face the Godzilla child.
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